Sunday, January 04, 2009
Monday, December 01, 2008
That's All, Folks
Reaching back to my old blog, I have been consistently posting for nearly four years. Four years isn't a long time if you are measuring a marriage or something important, but for semi-daily posts about loud co-workers, gripes about douchebag classmates, and everything in between, its a pretty long time I guess. Or maybe not.
Regardless, it's been one long, boring, gripe-filled ride, and today that ride is over. All good things must end. My blog isn't that good, but it too must end. So, I guess that the lesson is, all mediocre things must end as well. I've been thinking about this for a while, and I have a myriad of reasons for stopping. My job is really starting to demand a lot of me (Lie) I've been doing a lot of volunteering with local charities, which takes up much of my free time (Lie) I am planning a run for Congress in 2010 (pipe dream) and I feel there is some stuff on here which could hurt me politically (Very true)
Plus, maybe I am growing up (Lie) Maybe posting my darkest thoughts and deepest wishes on the internet for anyone to see is beneath me now (Lie) Or, maybe I am just lazy and fickle and bored and have decided to spend more of my time being unproductive in other ways (True) Regardless of the real reason, I am done (Possible Lie)
Of course, in two days, two weeks, or two months, I may very well emerge from my self-imposed blogging exile and begin posting here again. Or, maybe I'll start a new blog. Or write a book that probably won't get published. Regardless, take this goodbye with a grain of salt.
I should wrap this up. It seems really douchey to be at all sentimental about ending a blog, mostly because I have no sentiment about it whatsoever, and also, because it's a blog. Blogs are inherently stupid. But I will say, the thing I enjoyed the most about blogging was hearing from people who read my self-indulgence. So you can always reach me at initbutnotofit@gmail.com
Thanks for reading.
Regardless, it's been one long, boring, gripe-filled ride, and today that ride is over. All good things must end. My blog isn't that good, but it too must end. So, I guess that the lesson is, all mediocre things must end as well. I've been thinking about this for a while, and I have a myriad of reasons for stopping. My job is really starting to demand a lot of me (Lie) I've been doing a lot of volunteering with local charities, which takes up much of my free time (Lie) I am planning a run for Congress in 2010 (pipe dream) and I feel there is some stuff on here which could hurt me politically (Very true)
Plus, maybe I am growing up (Lie) Maybe posting my darkest thoughts and deepest wishes on the internet for anyone to see is beneath me now (Lie) Or, maybe I am just lazy and fickle and bored and have decided to spend more of my time being unproductive in other ways (True) Regardless of the real reason, I am done (Possible Lie)
Of course, in two days, two weeks, or two months, I may very well emerge from my self-imposed blogging exile and begin posting here again. Or, maybe I'll start a new blog. Or write a book that probably won't get published. Regardless, take this goodbye with a grain of salt.
I should wrap this up. It seems really douchey to be at all sentimental about ending a blog, mostly because I have no sentiment about it whatsoever, and also, because it's a blog. Blogs are inherently stupid. But I will say, the thing I enjoyed the most about blogging was hearing from people who read my self-indulgence. So you can always reach me at initbutnotofit@gmail.com
Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Wise
There are eight people at my company who do what I do. According to my boss, and to his boss as well, the two best people who do what I do are myself, and a middle aged guy who looks remarkably like Ned Flanders. (I say this not to toot my own horn, because bragging about being the best at what I do at my job is akin to bragging about having the best football team in the Big East. Actually, I've been doing that all week, so bad example. Nevertheless, it's not exactly a feather in my cap.)
Anyway, back in June, they promoted a couple of guys to my role, and neither one of them is very effective, to put it kindly. One of them doesn't seem to care, which is why his job is probably in jeopardy. The other, to his credit, seems to want to improve. This is why, after a meeting of my group and boss (where, incidentally, the boss named me and Flanders [in that order] the best among the group), that guy decided to pick the brains of the best and the brightest to see what else he can do.
He got Flanders talking, and as he is apt to do, Flanders rambled on and on for several minutes, dispensing little to no usable advice. (In fact, he made several statements and generalizations that I know to be patently wrong or false, but I didn't bother correcting him. I just don't care that much.) Finally, he said, "One more thing...I don't know if you've noticed, but I am usually the first one here in the morning, and the last to leave. That should tell you something."
The guy soliciting the advice then turned to me. "Well, I am usually the last one to get here in the morning, and one of the first to leave, and I'm even better than he is. That should also tell you something."
Anyway, back in June, they promoted a couple of guys to my role, and neither one of them is very effective, to put it kindly. One of them doesn't seem to care, which is why his job is probably in jeopardy. The other, to his credit, seems to want to improve. This is why, after a meeting of my group and boss (where, incidentally, the boss named me and Flanders [in that order] the best among the group), that guy decided to pick the brains of the best and the brightest to see what else he can do.
He got Flanders talking, and as he is apt to do, Flanders rambled on and on for several minutes, dispensing little to no usable advice. (In fact, he made several statements and generalizations that I know to be patently wrong or false, but I didn't bother correcting him. I just don't care that much.) Finally, he said, "One more thing...I don't know if you've noticed, but I am usually the first one here in the morning, and the last to leave. That should tell you something."
The guy soliciting the advice then turned to me. "Well, I am usually the last one to get here in the morning, and one of the first to leave, and I'm even better than he is. That should also tell you something."
Monday, November 17, 2008
Is This The Woman I Married?
Setting: My living room, lunch time. I sit on one end of the sectional couch, watching SportsCenter. The wife is on the other end of the couch, playing on her laptop.
Wife: What? Why are Mike and the Mechanics not on iTunes?
Me: I think a better question is, why are you looking for Mike and the Mechanics on iTunes?
[/Scene]
Wife: What? Why are Mike and the Mechanics not on iTunes?
Me: I think a better question is, why are you looking for Mike and the Mechanics on iTunes?
[/Scene]
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Oops
There is a guy who I work with; I'll call him Marty. Marty has a very important role with my company. Without Marty, an entire aspect of our business would collapse like a house of cards. He was the linchpin to this product line. Everything having to do with this particular part of the business went through him. He is the alpha and the omega. Or, as he refers to himself, The Man. (I never said he was a cool guy.)
Everyone in the company, from the CEO on down, acknowledges his importance. It's something of a running joke that if he ever left, the company would be fucked. I assume that despite all the joking, there was a backup plan in place. After all, the people running my company seem (reasonably) intelligent. Turns out, my assumption was incorrect. On Friday, he abruptly quit, and all hell broke loose. Not only that, but I may have had a small part in that happening.
A couple of months ago, Marty and I got to talking. He seemed pretty dissatisfied with his job. I found this to be kind of curious, given my perceptions as to how important he was to the company. Management 101 teaches that the more indispensable someone is, the happier you should try to make them. Given how much he did for the company, I assumed he was paid pretty well. That assumption was also incorrect.
Turns out, he made less than I do, even though he was a lot more important to the company than I am. He'd been there a lot longer, too. According to him, when he went in to request a modest pay raise, not only was he denied, but he was asked to take a pay cut, "for the good of the company."
"That's bullshit," I told him. "You have so much leverage over this place. If you leave, they're fucked. Everyone knows this. You should put together a formal presentation, laying out your true value to the company. Then ask for a raise. If they don't give it to you, quit."
He thought about it for a second. "I dunno, I can't afford to quit. I don't even know what kind of job I'd get if I did."
"Are you kidding? I know exactly what you should do." I then proceeded to lay out exactly what kind of job he could get, and how he should proceed in getting that job. He seemed intrigued, but given his defeatist attitude, I doubted he'd ever actually do it...Until Friday.
When I arrived at work, I could tell something was amiss. Managers were buzzing around, annoyed. People were gathered in small groups, gossiping. I walked by a VP, and overheard him saying "That SOB didn't even give two weeks. Today is his last day." I asked one of my coworkers what was going on. "Didn't you hear? Marty quit. We are fucked."
"Wow," I said, happy to hear that he finally stood up for himself. "What is he going to do instead?" The coworker described Marty's new job, which was pretty much exactly what I told him he should do. As pleased as I am that I encouraged this guy to make some (hopefully) positive changes in his life, I just hope it doesn't lead to the collapse of my entire company.
And if it does? Oh well, it's fun being an instigator.
Everyone in the company, from the CEO on down, acknowledges his importance. It's something of a running joke that if he ever left, the company would be fucked. I assume that despite all the joking, there was a backup plan in place. After all, the people running my company seem (reasonably) intelligent. Turns out, my assumption was incorrect. On Friday, he abruptly quit, and all hell broke loose. Not only that, but I may have had a small part in that happening.
A couple of months ago, Marty and I got to talking. He seemed pretty dissatisfied with his job. I found this to be kind of curious, given my perceptions as to how important he was to the company. Management 101 teaches that the more indispensable someone is, the happier you should try to make them. Given how much he did for the company, I assumed he was paid pretty well. That assumption was also incorrect.
Turns out, he made less than I do, even though he was a lot more important to the company than I am. He'd been there a lot longer, too. According to him, when he went in to request a modest pay raise, not only was he denied, but he was asked to take a pay cut, "for the good of the company."
"That's bullshit," I told him. "You have so much leverage over this place. If you leave, they're fucked. Everyone knows this. You should put together a formal presentation, laying out your true value to the company. Then ask for a raise. If they don't give it to you, quit."
He thought about it for a second. "I dunno, I can't afford to quit. I don't even know what kind of job I'd get if I did."
"Are you kidding? I know exactly what you should do." I then proceeded to lay out exactly what kind of job he could get, and how he should proceed in getting that job. He seemed intrigued, but given his defeatist attitude, I doubted he'd ever actually do it...Until Friday.
When I arrived at work, I could tell something was amiss. Managers were buzzing around, annoyed. People were gathered in small groups, gossiping. I walked by a VP, and overheard him saying "That SOB didn't even give two weeks. Today is his last day." I asked one of my coworkers what was going on. "Didn't you hear? Marty quit. We are fucked."
"Wow," I said, happy to hear that he finally stood up for himself. "What is he going to do instead?" The coworker described Marty's new job, which was pretty much exactly what I told him he should do. As pleased as I am that I encouraged this guy to make some (hopefully) positive changes in his life, I just hope it doesn't lead to the collapse of my entire company.
And if it does? Oh well, it's fun being an instigator.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Fatherhood
I've been married for over a year now. I am 29, and so is my wife. Naturally, the question of kids has come up. She doesn't want them right now, but her clock is definitely ticking. Three years ago, when we started dating, I said that maybe I'd want kids when I am 30. It seemed reasonable, and it also seemed like a long way away. Now that I will be 30 is 11 months and counting, I can confidently say that I am no more ready for a child today than I was three years ago, and perhaps even less ready.
I was talking with my old friend Russ about this, as he is in a similar predicament. Neither of us really wants kids. I suggested that the reason many people want kids is because of vanity, in that they have some desire to pass on their genes. I have no such desire, although I am confident I'd produce a kick-ass child. I just don't see it as a necessity. My world doesn't hinge on producing offspring. Russ suggested that people have kids because they hear they'd like it. I, however, have no illusions about liking it.
Here are the seven problems I have with potential fatherhood.
1) Money. Right now, I work, and so does my wife. We have disposable income. For the most part, if we want something we buy it. If we want to go somewhere, we go. It's a nice way to live. But with a kid, that will disappear. My wife will work less. Extra money will go to stuff like diapers and strollers. That's not cool
2) Convenience. Now, if my wife and I want to go out to dinner or the store or the movies, we hop in the car and go. With a kid, we'd have to either a) get a baby sitter, or b) take it with us. Either option is a pain in the ass and kind of ruins the point in going somewhere to begin with.
3) Sleep. I like to sleep. Specifically, I like to sleep during the night. If I am awoken during the night, I get really really pissed. From what I hear, babies cry during the night. I cannot sleep when there is crying. That shit ain't cool.
4) Appeal. I just don't see it. If I see a cute kid, my reaction is the same as when I see a kitten. I think it's cute, but also that I don't want one. On the flip side, when I see, for example, a puppy, I want one. Kids need to market themselves better, because I'm not interested.
5) Self-Centeredness. I fully admit, I am self-centered. Having a kid would not be conducive to continued self-centeredness.
6) Diapers. I have never once changed a diaper. I watched it happen recently. It was fucking disgusting. I don't plan on changing any diapers. This will not make my wife happy. It's a lose-lose situation.
7) Kids shows. I have seen some of them. They are retarded. If I came home from work and had to watch Dora the Explorer instead of Seinfeld reruns, well, I would probably resent the kid. I like my shows.
So in light of all that, if someone can tell me why I should want to be a dad, please email me. initbutnotofit@gmail.com
I was talking with my old friend Russ about this, as he is in a similar predicament. Neither of us really wants kids. I suggested that the reason many people want kids is because of vanity, in that they have some desire to pass on their genes. I have no such desire, although I am confident I'd produce a kick-ass child. I just don't see it as a necessity. My world doesn't hinge on producing offspring. Russ suggested that people have kids because they hear they'd like it. I, however, have no illusions about liking it.
Here are the seven problems I have with potential fatherhood.
1) Money. Right now, I work, and so does my wife. We have disposable income. For the most part, if we want something we buy it. If we want to go somewhere, we go. It's a nice way to live. But with a kid, that will disappear. My wife will work less. Extra money will go to stuff like diapers and strollers. That's not cool
2) Convenience. Now, if my wife and I want to go out to dinner or the store or the movies, we hop in the car and go. With a kid, we'd have to either a) get a baby sitter, or b) take it with us. Either option is a pain in the ass and kind of ruins the point in going somewhere to begin with.
3) Sleep. I like to sleep. Specifically, I like to sleep during the night. If I am awoken during the night, I get really really pissed. From what I hear, babies cry during the night. I cannot sleep when there is crying. That shit ain't cool.
4) Appeal. I just don't see it. If I see a cute kid, my reaction is the same as when I see a kitten. I think it's cute, but also that I don't want one. On the flip side, when I see, for example, a puppy, I want one. Kids need to market themselves better, because I'm not interested.
5) Self-Centeredness. I fully admit, I am self-centered. Having a kid would not be conducive to continued self-centeredness.
6) Diapers. I have never once changed a diaper. I watched it happen recently. It was fucking disgusting. I don't plan on changing any diapers. This will not make my wife happy. It's a lose-lose situation.
7) Kids shows. I have seen some of them. They are retarded. If I came home from work and had to watch Dora the Explorer instead of Seinfeld reruns, well, I would probably resent the kid. I like my shows.
So in light of all that, if someone can tell me why I should want to be a dad, please email me. initbutnotofit@gmail.com
Friday, November 07, 2008
America! Fuck Yeah!
You know, a presidential election can really divide the country. But I think there is one thing that unites us all, and illustrates why this is the greatest country on Earth.
We elect a new president, and the whole world watches with bated breath, then celebrates when their favorite was elected.
On the other hand, 95% of Americans couldn't name one foreign head of state, and that doesn't bother them in the least. As Yakov Smirnoff said, "What a country!"
We elect a new president, and the whole world watches with bated breath, then celebrates when their favorite was elected.
On the other hand, 95% of Americans couldn't name one foreign head of state, and that doesn't bother them in the least. As Yakov Smirnoff said, "What a country!"
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